booty call contract

Booty Call Agreement List

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND
PRINCIPLES:

1. No sleeping over - unless it is very good and we
need to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks
before the events of the evening.

3. No calls before 9 PM - we don't have shit to talk
about.

4. None of that "lovemaking" shit - only mind-blowing
sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading
with this? Do you love me?) The answer is no, so don't
ask.

6. No plans made in advance - that is why you are
called the "backup," unless you are from out-of-town,
then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.

7. All gifts accepted - money is always good.

8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it's
really none of your damn business.

10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" -
we are not friends, just sex buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK -
don't be offended.

12. No extra clothing - I don't want your ass leaving
anything behind when you leave.

13. No falling asleep right after sex - it's over, so
get your ass up and go home.

14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it
- I don't care.

15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response
will be: "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend."

17. Doggie style preferred - just let me hit it hard and
fast or get the hell out!

18. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the
better.

19. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME
- so don't keep calling.

20. The most important one - no condoms, no fucking.
Carry your ass home.

21. Bring your own drink - I am not your liquor store.

22. No phone use, please - don't want anyone calling
back looking for your ass.

* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS: The
aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder
of the agreement. If the other party attempts to
change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will
automatically become null and void and you will then
be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from
phone memory and email list.